Older Women Find That Prayer Matures Along With Them by Susan Perschbacher Melia - Reprinted from Aging & Spirituality, 13(1), Spring, 2001 -

Prayer has a very significant role in the lives of many older women. In the past several years, two researchers have conducted studies interviewing older Christian women about the forms and functions of prayer in their lives; how, whn and where they pray; prayer and their relationship to God; and how prayer has changed for them as they have grown older.

Susan McFadden, a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin, Oshkosh, has interviewed wives of Protestant ministers as part of an unpublished study. I have spent several years interviewing older Catholic women religious. The data from these studies show many common themes in the prayer lives of women, all of whom were between the ages of 65 and 98.

For many of the women interviewed, both Catholic and Protestant, prayer is a constant activity. It is a "fuel," a way of connecting, and many times, a way of coping. They described prayer as a relationship with God, an opportunity to be in God's presence and possible a means of allowing God to speak through tem. As one member of the United Church of Christ said, "I don't just think of prayer as a bowing of the head and folding of the hands. I think of it as more of an attitude toward life and toward people. It is kind of like practicing the presence of God. Things go better for me when I can be conscious of that spirit as I do whatever I do."

The women McFadden and I interviewed reported parying in many different ways: through devotions, liturgical practices, meditation, spiritual readings, and walks in nature. Whether they like to pray with others or alone, individuation is evidenced in their prayer lives. "My devotional life is more a meditation ... I do not go to the Bible to reflect on aging and the meaning of life, but continue to follow the path of meditation, often using the great Christian mystics as examples," reported a United Church of Christ member.

The women also reported that they have more time and space for prayer than younger women do. Many use prayer to give structure to their days. One Catholic sister commented, "I love to pray. Each day I say the rosary - three complete beads. I say one for our sisters who are working, one for all my pupils who are still alive, and one for the sisters who are sick. I can't read [anymore]. Praying takes up the time." An American Baptist put it: "As you get older, you don't sleep so much at night, so you spend more time in prayer and off you go!"

Many of the women emphasized that theirs are lives of prayer. "Well, I formally pray every morning, but I informally pray throughout the day. I see prayer as a relationship. Then the relationship permits me to move in and out of prayer at will," said one Catholic sister. A United Church of Christ member commented, "I guess I have great trouble with the business of a 'time for prayer' because I feel that prayer is part of your life, not just setting aside 10 minutes in the morning or whenever."

The women pray about justice for the world and for concerns of other people. Their prayers can be examinations of consciience or requests for strength and guidance to master fears, to keep growing and toprepare for death. The theme of gratitude is also prevalent. "Just walking out, just [seeing' birds and flowers and everything, can raise your mind and heart to God in a spirit of gratitude," shared one Catholic sister. "Being grateful for things that happened to you and all the gifts that God has given to you helps; I feel it helps keep me young - young in spirit, not young in bones!"

Prayer Changes With Age
Over the course of the lives of the women, prayer has changed in several ways: It has become more simple, more intimate, more meaningful, more personal, more flexible and open. Many of the women interviewed expressed a feeling of being closer to God. "I think you're more aware of the presence of God as you grow older because you don't have other things to take up your mind," said one of the Catholic sisters. "I don't feel it's necessary for me to pray more. I just feel that you don't have so much on your mind and you can devote more [of yourself to prayer]."

"For myself personnaly, the role of prayer is at the 90-percent level because that is how I feel I keep going," remarked a Presbyterian. "I've experienced an increase in my spiritual appetite."

Many said that their prayers are more spontaneous now and use fewer words. Their prayer life is an established routine that is satisfying and valued. God is a valued companion; there is more of an ability to accept God's will. "My prayers now include more people," said a member of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. "Early in my life there were a number of impatient, angry requests. Then you learn to resolve to wait and keep on. Your viewpoint changes. You see things you never thought would happen and you get recharged. You learn that prayer isn't always answered how you want or when you want."

This rich variety of forms and aproached to prayer serves many important functions in the lives of these older women. They report that prayers are a source of connection with others and with God, which reduces their sense of loneliness and enhances their sense of gratitude. Their prayers structure their days into comfortable routines, and lead them to accept their lives and to foster forgiveness. The women believe their prayers contribute to those around them, and that the words, thoughts and meditations of their hearts contribute to the healing of the world.

Susan Perschbacher Melia is associate professor of sociology and director of the gerontology studies program at Assumption College, Worcester, Mass.

Aging & Spirituality is published quarterly by the Forum on Religion, Spirituality and Aging (FORSA) for its members. For membership information, contact FORSA staff liaison Patrick Cullinane at 415/974-9642 or forsa@asaging.org, or visit the FORSA homepage at www.asaging.org/forsa.html